I'm sitting here drinking a raw chocolate green smoothie, I'm on day 3 of eating all raw. I have been doing a lot of thinking on my authentic self and who I want to become. I know that there are a lot of things right now that just aren't flowing, so to me that means that some things aren't where they could be. I want to be in my flow, to flow down the river of my life and not get caught up in the things that hold me back from a smooth ride :) I decided a few days ago that I was done with being unhappy with myself, I was done with the excuses that hold me back from taking that last step and committing to creating the life I want. I have been doing a lot of reading on raw lifestyle, reading many stories of women taking charge of their health and becoming clear minded, happy, and finding connection again. I dream of having those things in my life. I have spent many hours researching how to do it, I visualize what I want, I will make a commitment to a new lifestyle, and then fall off in 2-3 weeks, reflecting on this has made me realize that I've been stuck in the yo-yo dieting mindset for as long as I can remember. Even back when I was thin and 'happy' with my body it was still like I was either on a diet or not. I have been working on changing my perspective on food, seeing it as medicine and realizing it's true purpose. Another big part of my perspective change is believing that I can do this, I have tried and failed so many times that I had come to the point where I didn't even want to try again, it has taken a lot of self inquisition and also letting go of old thought patterns. One of the things I have to continue to remind myself of is that I'm not missing out on anything. When I was growing up my mom was very into health, she was vegan/vegetarian for a lot of my childhood. Whenever I went to a friends house or was babysitting I would eat whatever junk food I could get my hands on. I started watching my food pretty young, I remember reading diet books, and health books, I would always be starting a new way of eating but never sticking to it for more than 2-3 weeks. I've been doing this for over 20 years now. I am very grateful for the foundation of knowledge about health I have thanks to my upbringing, I was just going about it in the wrong way. One thing I have realized is that I get consumed with food and think about it all the time, I want to free that space and fill it with beautiful creative thoughts! 
 I had lost weight and was pretty happy with myself right before I met my husband and then after we were married circumstances were such that I was alone a lot, I didn't have my green card yet (I'm Canadian) and I couldn't work, he worked away 8 days and then home for 6. We had moved to a small town where I didn't know anyone and I just started eating. I've always been an emotional eater, I have had a million and one reasons to eat besides hunger. I am done with that. I don't have any illusions that it won't come up many more times, or even that I might slip up, but that is one of my biggest excuses. "I'm an emotional eater and I'm an emotional person so it's practically impossible for me not to eat emotionally", this is something I have believed for a very long time. So I am moving forward with new found excitement for my life and for my relationship with food. I know that I am drawn to the raw food lifestyle for a reason. I just have to take that step, to actually live it. I know how to do it, I have a million and one recipes, I get excited about learning more about it, I get excited to make new recipes. I LOVE the food!!! I believe in it. I believe in the benefits of God food, it is perfect, it is medicine. 

green chocolate shake

1/2 c soaked raw cashews

2-3 frozen bananas

2 T cocao or carob powder

5-6 dates, soaked

1 cup almond milk

2 cups fresh spinach

add water as needed

put in blender and blend until smooth. smile while you drink it!! and of course as with most raw food recipes, you can add more or less of anything and change it up as much as you want! this is just an idea! 

I read a great article on a woman who struggles with emotional eating and she eats a diet of raw foods, she talked about her all or nothing personality and how she does so much better when she is eating 100% raw foods. I can relate to the all or nothing mentality. I have fought it for many years and I have decided to just embrace it and and realize that that is the way my mind works and go for it! I found throughout the first day I had to remind myself of my WHY, why did I want this, it was very helpful! I have also been doing chanting/meditations almost every day for a week and a half and I find that it helps me be more mindful and present. I feel like I have more control over my mind, to quiet it and to feel peaceful. I think meditation is going on my list of must do's. Also I have been doing yoga, and reading a book on the deeper meaning of yoga besides the Asanas (poses). I am really enjoying it! Here's to new found hope and the power to create!

“Thought is the sculptor who can create the person you want to be.” -Henry David Thoreau

“Life is raw material. We are artisans. We can sculpt our existence into something beautiful, or debase it into ugliness. It’s in our hands.” -Cathy Better

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit.” -Aristotle