I have so much to write about it's overwhelming!!! I went to the Raw Spirit Festival last weekend, and I think it was one of those amazing turning points of my life. I can only hope to be able to write about it such a way that gets the FEELING of it across!!! It was about so much more than the food. It's about spirituality, connection, vibration, energy, love, and of course there is the food element! I will continue this post soon. I need to gather my thoughts, but I so want to share what I have experienced with anyone who will read this!!

-put dishes away
-wash dishes
-clear counters
-sweep kitchen and dining room floors
-laundry
-cook dinner
-clean living room
-clean bathroom
-pay bills
-relax
-light incense 
-pay attention to my kids!!!




Ok, so motherhood/stay at home mom!!! it doesn't end at 5pm!!! there are no holidays, there are no breaks, there are no weekends!!! I think it's the craziest job ever!!! 

changes

Ok, well, I've started HCG again. I'm doing it with my mom and sister, my sister is getting married and want's to lose some weight before. So I'm partially doing it  to support her, and partially just because I have some hcg left and then partially to just try it again and see if I can get some more poundage off. So I did my 2 loading days and I gained 5 lbs, yikes, I sure hope I can get it off soon!!! Anyways, we'll see how it all goes. 


ciao

Working Out!!

Well, I've worked out 4 times this week already!!!!!! Yay!!! Yeah, I know, I totally kick ass!!!! Literally, I kicked my own ass!!! I've been walk/running, it's been good and I can feel it getting easier!!! (except on days that I donate plasma) I'm doing really good with my points, I did eat some of my activity points the other day, but I guess that's not really like cheating even though it feels like it! But hey, at least I don't feel deprived, I AM loosing weight and I feel like I'm doing something I can do for a long time. So I think that I've got allot going for me right now!!! I'm completely exhausted right now, so I'm going to bed. 


Goodnight

Sore!

Ok, when I only get 4 hours of sleep in a night, I don't do too well the next day! I did pretty well though, I went to the gym and I did my run/walk thing and I only ate 21 points!!! That's 9 points left over!!! Great!!! I was just feeling a little like I had been eating too much or something and wanted to do well the last couple of days before weigh in! Anyways, it's 11:22 and I have church at 8:30 am ugh... We'll see if we're on time! 


I went to the gym yesterday also and did lunges with my friend and I am so sore I can hardly sit down without flopping down!! 


Ok, I think I need to go to bed, I can't think straight anymore. 




goodnight

Work It!!!

So I didn't do too well today with food, I had a treat attack!! I just wanted to keep eating my Skinny Cow Fudge Bars!!! I actually couldn't stop!! I went to the gym tonight, I did a beginners walk/run thing, I did 5 min warm up, then walk 2 min, run 1 min, I did that 10 times then I did a 5 min cool down, total I did 2.8 miles!! I felt really good afterwards. My face was so red after, I had to go to Walmart and I swear people were staring at me like what the heck is wrong with you???!!!!! Like did you go fake 'n baking and fall asleep!!!! Anyways, I'm happy with the workout, my knees hurt a little the first couple minutes of running but after that they felt fine!! on my last min I pushed up to about 6.5 whatever that speed means. It was great. I felt like I pushed myself and on the other hand it wasn't crazy hard like I as going to puke!! The minutes of running went by really fast. I think I'm just going to find a beginners running program and try and stick with that as much as possible. 


I think that I want to find some yummy recipes like stuffed mushrooms!!! I LOVE stuffed mushrooms with crab in them, yummmm. I'm also going to start reading the weight watchers booklets that I have. I'll do one a week just as if I was going to the meetings. Anyways, it's late and I need to get up and go to donate plasma in the morning. Goodnight world!!!




ciao

Halleluja for Mexican Food!!!!

Holly Yummy BURRITO!!!!!!!! It was soooooooo good!!!! I cut it in half and ate half of it and I'm totally full!!! I love it!!! So I can have two extremely pleasurable meals today!!! AND, I still have 5 points left (it was supposed to be only 17 points but I put that it was 19 just incase it was more!!! Better to be on the safe side) Oh ya, I'm so good!!!! I so love spicy food!!! So, it's 2:30 now, so I'll eat the rest of the burrito for dinner and then after I put the kids to bed I'll have one of my yummalicious frozen treats!!!! I think I'll have the Skinny Cow fudge bars that's drizzled with smooth creamy chocolaty delishiouseness!!!! Ok, forget about tonight, I just went and got one!!! Serves me right for making is sound so yummy!!!! 


Well, tomorrow I am going to start  exercising again after being sick and on my P. It's funny cause my legs start hurting when I've been exercising for a bit then I stop, they ache like they need to be worked again!!! Ok, well I'll report about exercising tomorrow!!


ciao

Smoothie Time!!!

I totally need to update!! So today is my one week mark of WW, I lost 3.2 lbs, I'm happy with that, I figure that it's about 23 weeks until my sisters wedding and if I loose an average of 2 lbs a week that's almost 50 lbs!! I would be so happy with that, it would put me under 200lbs and I haven't been that since before I got preggers with Z. (she's almost 3) I feel good today, other than not being able to fall asleep last night until about 2am and then waking up at 5am then for good again at 7am, not a fun night. So I'm tired and quite grumpy this morning, I swear EVERYTHING that my kids are doing is bugging the hell outa' me!!! 


So I seriously made the best smoothie EVER for 3 points!! I put 1 cup of Dannon Light and Fit Strawberry yogurt (2 points), 1 cup Strawberries (0), 1/2 cup mixed berries (0), 1 packet of orange flavored emergenC (1), and about a cup of water, blended it up and it filled up a whole, I think it's a quart jar!!! it's one of the wide mouth big jars!! Anyways, it's amazzzzaaazzzing!! Totally love it. So with my weight loss today I get to eat 1 less point!!! I think that I'm actually excited about it!!! I think that the less points I eat just means the less I weigh!!!


I was thinking, there is this fiber stuff that doesn't taste like anything, it's like sprinkle fiber, that you can add to your food, so like for example, if I added 4 g worth of this fiber stuff to the yogurt it would only make it 1 point for 1 cup. I'm not sure if that would be impossible like, if it would be way too much of the fiber stuff to be even edible. Anyways, that's just what I was thinking. I am going to enjoy this DELISH smoothie now and try and calm down. Periods aren't fun!!! OK, tata for now!!!




ciao

Sick, Yuck!

OK, I'm feeling totally sick, it's not fun at all. I feel all achey all over and I'm really tired and I just want to be able to lay around all day tomorrow. But ah the joys of kids!!! I sure hope the kids sleep well tonight. I  did well with my points today, I still feel like I can eat way too much. I guess we'll see on Tuesday!! I feel like I really should be exercising more but I feel really awful right now, so I guess I just have to listen to my body!! 

Off to bed!!! 

Night

Mmmmmm Coffee!!!!

So it's already 1 o'clock and all I've done is donate plasma, put a load of laundry in eat, and drink the most delish cup of coffee with a little bit of gas station cappuccino in it!!! I'm really feeling like I'm eating too much on WW. I guess we'll see next Tuesday if I actually lose weight with how much they say I can eat. I kind of feel like I've wrecked my body so much by yo yo dieting that I can't handle this much!!! We'll see though!!! It feels so nice to be able to eat something that I want without all the guilt normally associated with it. I'm really wondering how fiber effects the points because isn't a calorie a calorie, and if I'm constantly eating more calories because I choose high fiber foods isn't it still more calories and wouldn't I lose weight slower??? Whatever, I'm not going to worry about it until next tuesday. But with the whole fiber thing, I am pooping more!!! So maybe that's how it works, it gets rid of stuff faster. 


I still can't believe my workout last night, and I'm not even sore!!! It's amazing!!! I guess my calfs and my muscles do feel a little tighter but not really sore like after I do weights. I'm not sure what exercise I'm going to do today, I don't have a car so maybe I'll do a video. We'll see. 




So I did this thing that tells you how much water to drink and I'm supposed to drink 4.2 liters!!! That's tons!!! I'm not sure if I'll make it today, I think I've already drank 1 liter so we'll see. I'll shoot for it. 


I'll write more tonight (maybe) about how the rest of my day went. I'm going to be watching Fame or Post Grad tonight. We'll see how I choose to prioritize my time!!! Why is it always easier to make fun stuff a priority??? 




ciao




ok, so I just googled ciao just to make sure I was spelling it right, and the first thing that came up was ciao baby, a restaurant in NYC it looks like they have the yummiest Italian food ever like fresh Mozzarella, yummmmmm. 


anyways, that was my best food moment of the day!!! 


ciao baby

Day 1 - Weight Watchers!!!

Ok, so off HCG onto Weight Watchers. I just figured that it wasn't working for me because all I wanted to do was cheat, so I think WW will be better because I'm not depriving myself on anything I just have to watch the quantity. I have a really good friend that is helping me figure it out so that I don't have to go to meetings.

I went to the gym today with that same friend and I ran 18 out of 35 min on the treadmill!!! I am so proud of myself!!!! I totally felt like I was going to puke after I was done running. It was totally crazy, I can't believe I did it!!! I totally gave myself a nice loud woohoo in the car on my way home!!!! I felt so good after, I came home and stuffed my face with yummy healthy food!!! I don't think I'll be able to relax my legs tonight!!!

So, I'm going to go to bed now and play some Sudoku on my ds lite!!! (greatest christmas present ever from my husband!!!)


ciao

Day 9 - HCG - Confession

I truly think that Zip Lock bags are a conspiracy, don't you think???? Most packaged things you buy, especially in bulk, need to be kept in a bag and the ziplock bag is the ultimate invention for food not going stale, BUT why don't the packaged food manufacturers make their packages re-sealable?? I know some of them do but the majority don't. I don't know it just seems like such a waste to use 2 bags for each bag of fishy crackers!! And yes I do have those bag closers from pampered chef but I only have so many and they always get lost!!! Anyways, that's my vent for the day. 




I so wish I had a Kirby!!! My 5 dollar garage sale vacuum just isn't cuttin' it!!! 




So, yesterday I did good for most of the day, then when I got home from my friends house at about 7:30pm I HAD to have some of my homemade chili...not a good thing to have, it's heavy and I'm sure it has lots of fat from the hamburger. ok, so this is my first (major) slip up, so I was thinking, "what was I thinking????" and to be honest I don't really think I was thinking anything. It was such an automatic reaction to my wanting it that is was over and done with before I could really stop myself and realize the setback that it would bring. I felt full and grose all night and I was burping chili burps...not tasty!!! and lo and behold, I went up about 2 lbs. I don't even really know how to analyze this. So, like, how am I not going to do this again??? well.......I really think that it's a matter of realizing that I'm worth this and that I want it. If I have these two things in my head, I think I'd be able to stop. I look back on my MANY dieting attempts and as soon as I'm starting to succeed I somehow sabotage myself. It's like I have such a set idea of how I am, that I can't let myself change anything. I have this weird fear of losing weight, or at least of what it's going to be like once I actually get there. I wonder if something happened to me when I WAS thinner and that's the fear?? I have no idea what it would be but it's something to think about. Because really when I think about being thinner I am really excited and I think of all the things that I'm excited for. I can't wait to shop in regular stores and wear cute clothes!! I can't wait to be comfortable changing in front of my husband, I am so excited for the day that I can sit on the ground without feeling totally uncomfortable with my huge roll in the way of me sitting up straight. My son the other day said, "Mom, you have a baby in your tummy" and I said that I didn't but why did he think that...He said          "Because you have a big belly." He's also said that he loves my belly because it's big and bouncy!!! Out of the mouths of babes!!! It's just simply the truth!!! So what can I really say or do except to something about it myself. I am also excited for the time when I don't think that every time I walk into a room that people are thinking ewww, she's such a huge fat cow. Or when I'm eating that people that see me are judging me for simply eating, because why would I keep eating when I'm this fat and especially when I'm eating something that isn't the healthiest thing in the world, that's even worse because I'm even thinking it. So I know that that's not just going to come with losing the weight, that's going to need some mental work, but I really am excited for the day where I can have guilt free dates to restaurants with my husband. The other thing that I think when I'm out with my husband is that people are thinking like "why is he with her??" like he deserves so much more. Also, I was thinner when we got married so he wouldn't pick me now and he's just stuck with me. 


So, these are the thoughts I need to deal with, I think that these thoughts are also some kind of motivation to NOT cheat. Is this really how I want the rest of my life to be, worrying about what people think of me and also being uncomfortable in my own skin?? I don't think so. 


OK, I have a million more thoughts but I don't really want to sit here and keep writing so for now, I'm just going to keep on truckin' and keep on keepin' on!!!! lol 


I've done perfect today, I still need to eat dinner, I think I'll do a salad with either chicken or steak on it. I've been to the gym 3 days in a row, totally proud of that!!! I think that joining the gym was a really good thing. Especially if I can work out with friends sometimes. 


ok, off to make dinner.




ciao

Day 8 - HCG

Today I got to sleep in until 11 am!!! I feel GREAT!!!! Thanks to a great husband!! I woke up to a call from my friend to go to the gym again, so I woke up, went and worked out and kicked my own ass!!! I'm DEAD!!!! I can't hardly walk down my stairs in my house cause my legs are so wobbly!!! I drank some left over smoothie, it's not really on my diet but it's just fruit and it wasn't that much and I would rather drink that then eat something really bad cause I was so hungry!! Then I ate some left over lamb with some mustard, yummmmm!!! I think this afternoon I'll eat some beans or asparagus with mushrooms. I bought some mushrooms from Costco and they are huge, so I was thinking it would be fun to try and make an hcg compatible stuffed mushrooms!! I don't know what I'll do but something yummy!!! I think I'll miss the cheese on top most!


Well, I feel really good that I've worked out 2 days in a row!! My face was red all day yesterday!!! And my Dave called me a tomato today!!! I guess my face is kinda round!! Why do guys have to say things that they don't intend to be weird but us women analyze it and make it something it's not and of course we think it's negative and a blow to us personally!!




Anyways enough psycho babble!!! 


Off to the Devils Disneyland in Hurricane, McDonald's Play Place!!! Only getting food for the kids. Only getting food for the kids. Only getting food for the kids. 


I seriously need a haircut, I have millions of split ends!!


Ciao for now


Oh, I didn't remember to weigh myself this morning so just for curiosity sake I weighed myself when I got home from the gym after I had drank tons of water and I was down 3 lbs from yesterday!!! So imagine what it really was!!! LOL


TTFN

Day 4 - VLCD - Day 7 all together!

So, today was the first time that I exercised because I was angry. It felt really good to get it out that way!!! I felt so good after that I literally cleaned my house from about 4 PM until now, it's about 7:45 PM. My house hasn't been this clean for a REALLY LONG time!! I seriously kicked some ass today!!!


(OK, a little side note, I think my son is getting addicted to computer games...NOT a good thing!!!) 


Today I've done really good, I actually took a phentermine right before I started working out because I thought it might give me an extra boost. So I haven't been hungry all afternoon, and I've been so busy cleaning that I haven't eaten anything. I'm actually trying to remember what I've eaten, I know I ate an apple this morning, then I can't think of anything else. I'll probably have some strawberries after I take a shower, they are so yummy!!! I was in the store the other day and I walked by them and they smelled sooooo good that my mouth instantly started watering!!! I bought 3 packs and then today I bought 4 more!!! We only have 2 packs left!! OK, talking about this reminds me that I ate some strawberries this morning after I bought them. 


One thing that I'm looking forward to when I'm down in weight is being able to bring my knees to my chest!! I hate that my fat gets in the way. Nasty!!! 


Women that are passive and quite are considered NORMAL, Women who are assertive and get what they want/need are BITCHES!!! (In the eyes of the world)  


So the Bitch is signing off!!!


ciao

Let's Move!!

Going to the gym!!!

Day 6 - VLCD

Well, yesterday was the first time that I ate all of my calories, I actually ate about 8 calories over my 500 cals. Maybe to make up for the couple of days before that. We had friends over for dinner last night and they brought a salad, and there were carrots, avocados and walnuts, I tried to get mostly lettuce but did manage to get some of the other stuff and I ate it. Anyways, I've only lost 3 lbs. I don't know, it's been weird starting while I was sick. 

Day 2 - VLCD

So I puked my guts out all day yesterday and once during the night, wasn't fun at all!! I didn't eat anything at all yesterday and I lost only 1 lb. Today, I ate an apple and some veggies with some salsa on them. I'm feeling allot better today but still not 100%. I feel like I really want to start exercising, it feels like the natural thing to do, I just want to move my body. 




I'm not going to write much today because I really want to watch the latest episode of Desperate Housewives!! 


Until tomorrow!!


ciao

Day 1 - VLCD

So, today is my first day of the VLCD (very low calorie diet). I'm also going to take Phentermine, an appetite suppressant, I will only take it on the days where I feel like I need some extra help. I'm talking it today because I feel like I just need the extra non hungry feeling!! 


I've felt a little yucky this morning, I almost puked. Not fun!! I  really need to remember that food is NOT going away!!! It will always be there! I just have to know that if I want something, I CAN have it one day, just not right now!! I know that I'm going to have to really remember that when I'm wanting something. Maybe I could write on here what I am wanting and then when I'm done I can go back and see if I still want those things!! 


This is the start of a new year, a new decade, and I'll be 30 this year!! I have 2 weddings, and I will be married for 9 years this year. We want to go on a nice trip for our 10th so that's motivation to!! So, this is IT!!! This is going to be the year that I DID IT!!! 


I think that if I keep writing everyday about how I'm feeling and what's going on for me that it will make is allot easier and I'll be able to do it!! I am going to be logging my food in on Livestrong.com, I like that site. I will also log my weight. I don't really want to weigh myself everyday, but I think that it helps with knowing if you are doing what you are supposed to do. And if something isn't working for you. I'm about 12 lbs up from where I ended last time. I am so doing it this time. I'm not going to set a number of days that I'm going to do it for either. I'm going to take it one day at a time so that I know that I am in total control! I want to do this and I can control for how long I'm doing it. 


Well, I'll be back tomorrow. I don't know if I'll be able to eat much today because I'm feeling very nauseated right now. I'm going to look up what vitamins I can't take, I am going to really try and take vit. C and also maybe vit. B12 and vit. D if it's water soluble.


ciao 

One other thing, this time I'm going to try to either really limit or completely eliminate soda. I'm also going to eliminate the grissini and the melba toast. I think that it makes me crave more bread products and that is my major downfall. Every time I've done this, I've cheated on Mac and Cheese or some other kind of bread thing. So non of that for me this time!! 

Day 2 - Loading Day

Well, today is my second loading day and I'm not sure if I'll be able to eat anything, my kids were up in the wee hours of the morning puking. I'm starting to feel nauseated and it's also coming out the other end, yuck. I'm not quite sure what to do, I think that I'll just listen to my body and not eat. Hopefully my one loading day will be sufficient. We'll see how everything goes today and play it by ear with what or if I'm going to eat. 


I really feel motivated that I will be able to do this. I read the awesomest article in Self magazine last night, it was a diary of this woman who wanted to lose a few lbs, she was so real about everything, from wanting to eat to cover up feelings to not really wanting to exercise. It was just great!!! 






Well, I was able to eat some food today, I got over the nausea late morning. My kids were sick all day, it totally sucked, and it was sad. 


So tomorrow is day 1 of VLCD. I'm excited!


ciao

Day 1 - Loading Day

Well, today was my first day of my third attempt at the HCG Diet. I've had such a problem sticking to it. The first two times I lost twenty lbs but for some crazy reason that wasn't enough motivation for me. Anyways, here I am again, stuffing my face!!! I just found out that my sister is getting married at the beginning of July AND my sister in-law is getting married at the end of July. My sister wants me to be a bridesmaid and I can't picture my 255ish lb body in a tulip style dress!!!! Ugh!!! So here goes my third attempt. I'd better get my act together and do it fully this time without any cheating!! It's such and easy diet, it's just the sticking to it that is hard, plus cheating on this diet is like eating 10 times the calories that you are actually eating. I'm going to be 30 this year and I would really like to have a sense of control in my life and I also don't want to have to be worrying about my weight for the next 30 years of my life like I have this first 30 years. Also, I found a GREY HAIR today!!! My first!! I think it's time to put my health first!!  This time I'm not going to be worrying too much about the numbers on the scale, and focus more on what's healthy for my body and mind. I'm not sure how long I'm going to do the hcg this time, I'm going to take it one day at a time. I have to have something that I will do if I have an urge to cheat. I need to come up with something, maybe calling one of my friends that will talk me out of it, but I kind of want to do this on my own. Except for Gods help of course!! I think that He is the only one I can rely on, because it's almost like I have this rebellious thing where I want to do the opposite of what people tell me. 

Ok, off I go!!! Going to bed now! Tomorrow is going to be interesting, I wonder how much I'll be able to eat!!! Today was kind of torture!!! Anyways, I CAN DO this!!!!!!